The Retro Review

Guile’s theme from Streetfighter II done accapella! Incredible bit of vocal work here. Love it!

The Follow up to Dragons Lair, in a jolly old run through. Same fantastic quality drawings and animations as the original with some more sublte hints as to when to push your buttons to avoid the screens of doooooom! - Enjoy  :D

Dragon’s Lair, a bloody hard game to master, but here it is in it’s full run through from the Arcade version. I hope you enjoy it. The game that paved the way for many of the FMV type games that followed it.



Tom Hanks masturbates

Tom Wanks

Tom Hank punishes his kids

Tom Spanks

Tom Hanks says grace at dinner

Tom Thanks

Tom Hanks needs to deposit money

Tom Banks

Tom Hanks plays Tug-o-War

Tom Yanks

Tom Hanks can’t remember

Tom Blanks

Tom Hanks stabs a bloke

Tom Shanks

Tom Hanks takes a boat ride

Tom Cruise

Tom Hanks turns it up

Tom Cranks

Tom Hanks plays a practical joke

Tom Pranks

Tom Hanks becomes a carpenter

Tom Planks

Yup, fine looking ladies signing about games….with Retro games thrown in for good measure. Enjoy!  :D

Awesome Amiga Demo - Desert Dream by Kefrens. All done in 1990, I miss the simplicity of the golden age.

Here is the wonderful Amiga intro to the Settlers, enjoy!  :D

The Settlers - Commodore Amiga


Hello my lovelies. Time has escaped me once again, I can’t believe it’s been 2 weeks since my last review. Seems longer somehow. Still now that the little one has been born, I can try and review again on a more regular basis. So what do I have for you today?

The Settlers on the Commodore Amiga!

First off, I don’t usually play games like this, but when I first played this on my own Amiga many years ago, it became a strange addiction for me. It has such appeal on so many levels you can’t help but like it. From the amazingly cute intro sequence, squeezed onto it’s own disk ( and is optional so you can just slam in the boot disk and play without watching ), to the very well thought out game itself this is a pure winner.

Bluebyte were responsible for this cracker of a game and I don’t know how they managed to squeeze all of this onto just 3 disks ( remember one of which is the intro ). You begin the game by deciding where on the map is a suitable place to build your castle, this being your main storehouse and living place for all your little guys ( the settlers ). Once you plant down your castle, you are able to then expand on your buildings. So for example, you drop your castle next to some trees, you want someone to be able to cut them down to make logs…so you build a wood cutter’s hut….but then you need something to make those logs into timber, so you build a saw mill not too far away…out of your castle will come the little men to clear out the plot of land you chose for each building, once this is done the builder will arrive, stocks come out of the castle and the buildings commence.

Once your buildings are done, the new occupants will journey out of the castle and into their new homes. Upon making themselves comfy in their new home, they will venture out and perform the jobs they were trained for. The Wood cutter will wander around and cut down trees, take them back to his front door and drop them outside. A new settler will then come and grab the log, take it to the next flag available and a daisy chain of workers will get the log to the saw mill, which gets turned into planks of wood to build other items. This kind of mechanic is essential to getting a production line going, with other buildings such as a mill, a bakers, a farm, pig farm, butcher and more.

You will need to build barracks next to the territory barriers to expand your land ( when soldiers occupy the barracks the border points will move, giving you more land to build on ). Soldiers need gold to train them to be more effective in battle, so you will need mines, these are placed on mountain ranges where you send a geologist out to tap the ground for minerals…coal, stone, gold, iron, which get sent to be smelted and turned into tools and weapons.

So Much thought has gone into this game and it shows, with one of the most iconic in game music tracks you are ever likely to hear. I might see if I can locate one for you and load it up here later.

Graphics:- Cute cute CUTE, everything from the intro sequence to the in game sprites are simply that! Very well thought out scenery and building design to the actual settlers themselves.

Sound:- Again the sound is very cool with the ability to switch off the in-game music and just have the ambient sound effects, it’s just very nice to listen to in general and will make all the building time worth every second.

Overall:- One of the best economy sims on the Amiga, was a shame that the sequel never saw the light of day on the trusty Commodore machine and it went straight to PC. But this is a hell of a game. Will keep you busy for hours…did I mention you can have a 2 player game? no? oops! If you have not tried Settlers then give it a whirl, with a friend is more fun, but single player does not lose it’s appeal either.



It’s on, like…..
Review Returns SOON!

It’s on, like…..

Review Returns SOON!

This, ladies and gentlemen is the reason the Retro Review has been on hold the past few weeks. But it’s all been worth it. 8lbs 12ozs, healthy baby boy  :D

This, ladies and gentlemen is the reason the Retro Review has been on hold the past few weeks. But it’s all been worth it. 8lbs 12ozs, healthy baby boy  :D